A few days ago, I was secretly watching SuSu from across the room. She was giggling and dancing and as happy as I've ever seen her. She was spinning around in her little Tinker Bell dress, singing and oblivious to Mommy, who was peeking around the corner. It was a priceless moment. How far she's come....... how far she's come, I kept thinking. Our once shy, timid little girl is blossoming before my eyes!
Then suddenly it hit me. I can't explain it other than to say it was an overhwelming sense of sadness. Sadness in that moment of joy. Sadness in knowing that oceans away, somebody who loved our baby so very much, will never see this moment. Our SuSu's China Mommy is missing this. Missing this magical little girl, this tiny treasure.
In time our SuSu will know she had a China Mommy. In time, the questions will come. How I wish I had the answers. What did her Mommy look like? Was she tall and willowy like our SuSu? Was her hair silky and fine? Did her smile light up a room the way our SuSu's does? How I wish I had known her. Had a moment to tell her how priceless a gift she's given us. How I wish. She's never far from my mind. Always close to my heart. In that moment I would have given anything. Anything. Just to let her have a glimpse. A peek around the corner.
I pray that she knows. Somehow that she knows. That her little Tinker Bell is safe. And happy. And treasured. And well. How I wish. How I wish.
5 comments:
Crying at work again, thank you. Wow, what a heart you have. I pray with you right now that she is given assurance that Susu is safe and oh so loved. And for her salvation. It's so obvious that the Lord hand-picked you to be SuSu's family.
Not that I have any of the answers to those questions, I do know they will come and we have begun preparing ourselves.
I believe our beautiful girl has her mom's beautiful almond eyes and her glorious smile. She has her father's stature. I know she will ask if she looks like them, we may never know the answer to that qustion, but it remains in our hearts that the Lord will allow her to be pleased with some of our answers.
I also will enjoy telling her that she got her wonderful sense of humor from ME and her love of practical jokes from DADDY.
I wish this whole situation were easier. I wish that love were enough to help them through this.
From the BTDT The questions will come one day out of the blue they will come and though first you will hesitate because you will worry over your answer, but the answer will come straight from your heart and it will be the right answer because you love her and you will find the exact right words Kate.
i think about yao yao's china mommy ALL of the time. i can't imagine how much she will some day. i already talk to her about her china mommy. she knows that she was in her china mommy's belly. i want all of this stuff to just be so familiar to her that she doesn't remember ever not kwowing anything. i am making a book for her with her story so that we can read that at night instead of me just verbally telling her about her adoption story.
Someone once told me that whenever you are thinking about someone it is God prompting you to pray for him/her. You probably already do this, but whenever you think of SuSu's China Mommy ... pray! I can't imagine the see-saw of emotions that must come along with adoption ... the bittersweetness of it all. The joy in this wonderful child you have been given, and yet the sadness for what she has lost. I pray that the emotions you are feeling are God's way of enabling you to be in touch with what SuSu is going through and to be there for her. God Bless you and your precious family!
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