Where Are We Now?

Now that the holidays are winding down, I'm secretly a bit relieved that life will soon be getting back to normal. Well, some kind of normal, that is:) We've been kind of wondering for about 9 months now when things will be getting back to normal. And I think we're getting close. Crossing my fingers that we may even be very close.

Even in spite of the sometimes chaotic holiday happenings, SuSu seems much more settled emotionally. Her drastic mood swings have all but disappeared, and we're all connecting on a much different level than we were back in the fall. I think SuSu's beginning to understand our expectations of her and how everybody fits together in our family. This isn't to say that her insecurities are gone, but she seems to realize now that there's plenty of love to go around. That Momma and Babba can indeed love both her and Peanut at the same time. As weird as that sounds to say, I think that this was hard for her. And I think a lot of the attention seeking and acting out that we saw, and occasionally still see, are her way of being sure that she has a special place here. That she belongs.

Something that I've learned with our SuSu is that she craves and needs constant explanation. What is expected of her and Peanut, what the consequences will be for disobedience, what we'll be doing tommorrow and who will be going where and when. She asks us these things over and over and handles life much better when she knows the game plan.

I think, because Peanut's obviously been with us since day one, that he never craved all that info. That he knew our routines. Who does what. What happens when we disobey. Etc. But SuSu's still trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. I easily forget that the idea of being in a family unit is still completely new to her. And whatever rules or boundaries that were set in China are all different here. But she wants to know. She actually likes to know. And she does way better when I remind her. Even if it seems insanely repetitve to me, it isn't to her. It's reassuring. And comforting. And she loves it.

I'll be honest and share that I wasn't so good about being consistent with discipline in the beginning with SuSu. Part of the issue was that we weren't really sure which direction to go with her. Of course, for the 6 months or so, she was extraordinarily easy. Ahhhh. But then the honeymoon ended and real parenting set in. Immediately it was clear that what had worked with Peanut wasn't going to work for SuSu. So we tried this and we tried that. Our expectations were clear but our consequences were changing. I regret this now, but we lived and we learned. Now we have a game plan. Now we know what works and what doesn't, and we have clear and consistent consequences. And SuSu knows them. Although she still will ask me and I'll repeat them. But they aren't changing. And that makes my life and hers a lot more predictable.

All in all, I think we're finally seeing the real SuSu emerge. Not that we know everything that makes her tick. But we know a whole lot more than we did 9 months ago! I'll share this with all who are bringing home older children because maybe it will be helpful in some small way to understand your child, too. I think that a lot of the behaviors that we saw early on in SuSu were survival behaviors that helped our little one get through life in an orphanage. Only now are we beginning to get glimpses of who our SuSu really is. As those old behaviors are starting to slip away, and she understands that she doesn't need them to fit into her family, the real SuSu is coming out. And what an amazing little dynamo she is!

Our SuSu is definately fiesty. She's strong and spunky, and yet tender and gentle, too. She has the greatest sense of humor and nothing makes me laugh more than to hear her making jokes at the family dinner table! She's crazy about her big brother, and anything he tells her is definately gospel truth. She loves babies and trains, and begs Momma everyday to go to "big school" with Peanut. If you try to take her toy, beware. Nobody ever tries twice to mess with her trains! But once you make up with her, nobody will love you more passionately than our SuSu. She has the warmest heart, the biggest smile and toughest spirit of anybody I know. Everday I'm amazed at much she's overcome and how far she's come. I surely can't think of anything that will ever stand in her way.

As tough as it's been, finding our way from there to here, I wouldn't trade the chance at being her Momma for anything in the world! We may not be normal yet. We may never be normal. But we're close. So close. And that's just where we're meant to be.