Food Issues, Part 2

Sorry to leave you all hanging with our food issues. I meant to write this post sooner, but I was busy banging my head against the wall:) It really hasn't been that bad.....well, not today anyhow:) We've been experimenting with a few different ideas to help SuSu cope with her food anxieties, and I think we're maybe making a little progress. So many of you reached out to me with some great insights and encouraging words, and I wanted to say a big "thank you" for that! Parenting an adopted child has really been very different for us than parenting Peanut, and we're still feeling our way out around here. It's difficult to explain, but the issues we see and deal with with our SuSu are things we would never have even seen with Peanut. Thank goodness for the network of wonderful friends we were able to find during the process because now is when things start getting a bit tricky:)

As far as the pre-dinner show goes, we found what seems to be a good compromise for everybody. SuSu LOVES helping me in the kitchen, but sometimes it really isn't possible. Our biggest issue in the kitchen is safety. Or should I say lack of safety. In her excitement to be a "helper", SuSu can be a bit impulsive with things like knives, scissors and hot pots and pans. Not that we let her use these things, but for some reason, she can't seem to help herself from touching them. Often. Which is nerve-wracking when my eyes are on the boiling pot of noodles, the cutting board full of veggies to be sliced and a very curious 4 year old whose hands are only inches away from something dangerous!

So what I decided is that SuSu can be Mommy's helper by setting the table. Ahhhhhh. Even better is the fact that she loves this job, and it takes her a good while to do since she usually carries each fork, each spoon, each plate.....one by one by one. And VOILA......Mommy can cook and SuSu feels important and helpful! Now occasionally I let her do something with the cooking, but only rarely. And she seems to be okay with that. At least for now.

As far as the other times of the day, we've decided that she may have a healthy snack such as fruit or veggies, whenever she wants it. After talking privately to a few Wuxi Mommys, I discovered some heartbraking things that swayed me into changing this habit so that SuSu may eat whenever her heart desires. Funny thing is that just knowing that there's a banana sitting there, or an apple or grapes, is enough to ease her mind. Usually she's more concerned that there will be food if she asks, but she rarely will eat the snacks. It's more a comfort issues. Which is kind of what I was thinking before. She definately doesn't overeat. In fact, she doesn't eat nearly the amount of food she ate in China and when we were first home. Her weight is still in the less than 5th percentile for her height, so, if anything, she could stand to gain a few pounds!

When it comes to SuSu initiating eating at the dinner table, we discovered something while we were at Flamingo Mama's house. SuSu was so excited to sit down and eat dinner, but then never took a bite. Not one. So Flamingo Mama suggested something I hadn't done before. She suggested I try to feed SuSu. Whaaaaat?? I was sure this was gonna fail because SuSu is so indepedent now that she won't let Mommy help with much at all. But guess what? I fed her a few bites and then she started feeding herself. Holy cow. So I tried this different times at home. Now, just for the record, I don't feed her everything on her plate. Or more than 2 or 3 bites. But it seems like sometimes she just needs to get going and then she's good to go for the rest of the meal. What would I have done without Flamingo Mama???

So this is where we are with food. And only now am I really beginning to see the magnitude of what the lack of food and the witholding of food can do to a precious child. Something we so easily take for granted has so obviously shaped and molded the way our SuSu percieves food. It breaks my heart every time I think about it. I know now that probably no amount of food will ever be enough to convince her that she will surely be fed. That pain in her belly isn't so much about a hunger for food anymore as it is a hunger for security. Security in knowing that all of her needs will be met. Today. Tommorrow. The next day. Forever. How much we want to give that to her. That security. That promise. But I know only HE can bring that peace into her heart. Only HE can heal what was broken. As a Mommy I so desperately want to make all those wrongs right. And I can make her those promises. I can meet those phyical needs. But I can't heal her. I'm only the vessel. The vessel HE chose to use. To be a part of the healing. But not the HEALER. That can only come from HIM. I know I need to be faithful. To trust that if I do my part, HE will surely do HIS. Oh, how hard this is for this Mommy.