Weigh-In-Wednesday

Thankfully things on the scale looked a lot better today, and I seem to be moving off the plateau! I have to tell you that I was feeling a little discouraged, but then three more pounds came off and I breathed a really big sigh of relief. I'm at this awkward phase of having my pants falling off my waistline, but my next size down is just a bit too snug for comfort. My best friends right now are my stretchy pants with the drawstrings....you know....the kind you wear when you're first pregnant or you just had a baby:) Yeah.....those pants. I have that saggy behind look going on, but it's all for a good cause.

Next week is our first bridesmaids' dress fitting, and I have sort of mixed feelings about it. Not about being in the wedding, but about trying on dresses for the first time in years. Yes, years. It's hard to explain why, but I just lost so much confidence in dressing up since I've been heavy. It's been more than three years since I've worn a dress, but I used to love them. My biggest fear about the fitting is those huge body length mirrors everywhere. I cringe just thinking about them! I'm praying I don't need to come out of the dressing room to show anyone anything:)

But, all mirrors aside, I am so truly thankful and excited about this new journey! I feel 100% better than I did a few short months ago, and hopeful that maybe, just maybe, I can put this extra weight behind me for good. What an eye-opening experience it's been for me having to watch every bite I eat, knowing that it's far too easy to slip back into old patterns and gain the weight back. I really took for granted how easy it used to be for me to stay thin and fit. I never realized what it feels like to hit your highest pregnancy weight when you're not even pregnant. Or how hard it is to lose even 10 or 15 pounds, let alone 30 or 40. Very overwhelming. Yet God is showing me so much through this valley. Showing me how it feels to be in somebody else's shoes. That it actually is okay as a Mom to take care of myself. That who I am on the inside is actually far more significant to Him than what size I am on the outside. Big life lessons. Painful ones, but important ones.

I know that this weight loss journey is a lot more than just eating veggie burgers or finding my way in and out of my sports bra. That it isn't just about fitting into a bridesmaid's dress in the fall or about wearing a bathing suit this summer. It's amazing....and maybe a bit scary.....how much emotional stuff was buried underneath all my extra layers. I sure wish there was a magic potion to help me shed these pounds a lot more quickly. But then again, maybe He knows the value of this being a process. Maybe He knew that peeling back the layers would be easier on me one pound at a time.

I'm constantly amazed at how He works in our lives, even through something like losing weight. That so much of this experience is actually spiritual where I thought it was just a matter of eating a few more carrots and lot less ice cream. That what was weighing me down wasn't so much my caboose but a ton of emotional stuff that I didn't realize was there. Inch by inch, ounce by ounce, He's revealing things to me that need to change. Helping me to let go of old patterns and embrace new ones. Letting go of the old, grabbing hold of the new.