Weigh-In Wednesday

If you haven't yet heard about it yet, the pancreatitis diet is totally the best thing going.

Seriously. It's so easy.

No cooking.

No exercise.

Just long lazy days spent nibbling on ice chips.

Hooked up to your IV which runs at a mighty fast clip.

Which kinda makes you pee every 30 minutes.

But seriously.

It's fantastic.

Because you get as much morphine as you like.

So much that you soon forget about everything else,

Including your name,

How many kids you have,

And even what year you were married.

It's all a distant memory.

All you need to do is just relax,

Snuggle into your hospital bed,

Pull up a cup of ice chips,

Push your patient controlled morphine pump,

And let the pounds melt away.

So easy I tell ya.

After six days of this diet, you'll be amazed at the results.

So amazed that you may just wonder why you never tried it before.

For a girl like me, who was hoping to get into a swimsuit in four weeks,

The pancreatitis diet was a sure winner.

FIVE pounds in six days.

Not bad, I say.

Not bad!

(Warning: This post was written under the influence of Vicodin)